While everyone’s hyped about the new Superman movie, I went old school.
I watched Becoming Led Zeppelin on Netflix instead. No CGI, no capes, just four musical prodigies from England melting faces and changing music forever. Inspired by the tunes, I decided to theme this week’s newsletter around some of Zeppelin’s greatest hits.
Going to California
Mike Williams is headed west permanently. After 8 seasons with the Chargers (plus a Jets and Steelers stint), the wideout signed with LAC in March, landed on the PUP list Monday, and retired Wednesday. At 30, he’s officially hanging up his cleats.
Whole Lotta Love
The Steelers just gave T.J. Watt a whole lotta love—$123 million worth. That’s a 3-year extension with a jaw-dropping $108 million guaranteed. Now Micah Parsons is side-eyeing Dallas like, “I’m going to get mine no matter what.”
All My Love
The Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders are back for Season 2 of their Netflix docuseries America’s Sweethearts. If you’ve ever drafted a kicker too early while watching their highlights, this one’s for you.
Good Times, Bad Times
Chiefs WR Rashee Rice is headed for 30 days in jail and 5 years’ probation after last year’s 6-car crash during a street race.
Vikings WR Jordan Addison pleaded “no contest” in his DUI case. The new charge? “Wet reckless.” California really has a charge for everything.
Communication Breakdown
First-round pick Shemar Stewart still hasn’t signed with the Bengals, reportedly over a “behavior clause” in his contract. Translation: if he misbehaves, they might yank his guaranteed money. Stewart’s camp ain’t feelin’ that.
Meanwhile, pass-rushing star Trey Hendrickson is holding out for a better deal or a one-way ticket out of town. So yeah, the Bengals’ D-line is looking more like a D-leak right now. Week 1 vs. the Browns is coming fast, and their two best pass rushers might be watching from the couch.
* (On Friday, July 25, the Bengals and Shemar agreed to a four-year, fully guaranteed contract worth $18.9 million.)
Dazed and Confused
This one’s wild:
The Commish allegedly told NFL owners, “No guaranteed contracts for QBs.”
They all agreed.
The players’ union knew.
Said nothing.
And then the NFLPA’s executive director resigned after ESPN caught him charging two strip club visits to the union, including a $738 ride to Tootie’s Cabaret. “Ain’t nuthin wrong with goin to the Scrip Club.” In the words of Pac-Man Jones.
Yeah. Dazed and very confused.
Stairway to Heaven
Former Eagles and Texans linebacker Bryan Braman passed away at 38 after a battle with a rare, aggressive cancer. A Super Bowl champ. A fearless player. Rest in peace, Bryan. F*** cancer.
RIP Ozzy Osbourne & Hulk Hogan
Football in July? Yup.
The Lions vs. Chargers kick off the Hall of Fame Game in just 3 days. Training camps are open and preseason is back, and it’s never been earlier.
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We’ll be back next time with more hot takes, cold cuts, and fantasy advice that probably won’t hold up in court. Looking for the ultimate fantasy football draft board? Commish Kit has everything you need—poster kits, stand-up corrugated boards, and a digital draft board so slick, your league might actually think you’re organized this year.
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