Alright, folks, we’ve survived NFL Week 1, and if you’re not spiraling into full-blown overreactions by now, are you even watching football? NFL Week 1 overreactions are what we live for, so buckle up as we dive into the craziest takes you’ve heard since, well, last season.
First up: Chiefs vs. Ravens. The Chiefs won by a toenail—not a field goal, but an actual toenail. And Saquon Barkley? He made Green Bay’s defense look like a Pop Warner squad. Packers fans, you still breathing? It was a weird weekend of football, and I loved every second of it.
Let’s be real; Week 1 is basically Preseason: The Sequel. Teams are still shaking off the cobwebs, like Kirk Cousins, who’s clearly not firing on all cylinders. Should the Falcons throw in rookie Michael Penix Jr.? Absolutely not, but hey, that’s what overreactions are for!
Meanwhile, the Steelers’ defense was straight-up bullying Cousins, with TJ Watt playing hot potato with the football. But chill, guys, it’s one game. We don’t need to start rolling out the rookie QBs just yet. You don’t throw a newbie against the Chiefs in Week 3 unless you’re asking for disaster. Falcons, take notes.
And speaking of quarterbacks, how about Sam Darnold? Yes, that Sam Darnold. The dude is back and suddenly playoff-bound with the Vikings? Sure, let’s call it an overreaction, but maybe the guy deserves a little break, right? Okay, maybe don’t crown him MVP just yet.
Oh, Derek Carr was chucking touchdowns like a guy handing out Halloween candy, while Panthers coach Dave Canales is already feeling the heat. But c’mon, it’s Week 1—at least let the guy finish his chips before we start talking job security.
Then there’s the Steelers. They bet big on Russell Wilson, but here we are asking: should it have been Justin Fields from the jump? Russ is out here with calf issues, mostly dressing for appearances at this point. We love you, Russ, but maybe it’s time to let Fields cook.
And how about them Cowboys? They absolutely flattened the Browns like a steamroller at a pancake festival. Micah Parsons was playing out of his mind, Dak did enough to cruise through, and special teams were on fire. Maybe not MVP Dak, but solid. However, we all know how this goes—let’s see where they’re at in January.
Finally, shoutout to Deshaun Watson. Or should I say, “What Happened?” Chris Long calling him “cooked” might be the understatement of the year. My man was throwing like he just got back from a 3-day bender.
But hey, that’s NFL Week 1 for you. Overreactions are on full blast, and we’re just getting started.
Now, let’s keep this party rolling with some Week 1 highlights. How about Buffalo? The Bills pulled off a comeback win against Arizona. Impressive. Josh Allen hurt his nonthrowing hand and said, “It’s fine. I’m not a doctor.”
And Chicago? Their defense bailed out their rookie QB in a gritty win. Meanwhile, the Titans’ Will Levis? Let’s just say he’s vying for the “Worst Starting QB” crown this season.
Seattle took down Denver, and Tyreek Hill made the headlines for all the wrong reasons before Miami’s game, but then still helped the Dolphins take down Jacksonville.
And let’s talk about Baker Mayfield. The guy looks like he’s campaigning for MVP, and the Bucs dismantled the Commanders like it was a preseason game. Bucs fans, you might be in for a ride this season.
Did you catch Jameson Williams’ Sunday night breakout? The guy threw himself a coming-out party with 121 yards and a touchdown! Meanwhile, Jahmyr Gibbs owners are probably screaming at their TVs because David Montgomery keeps swooping in like a vulture to snag those goal-line TDs. Montgomery, you goal-line hog, let the kid eat!
In other news, Puka Nacua re-injured his knee and landed on the IR. That means he’ll be sitting out for the next four games. But don’t fret, Rams fans—Matthew Stafford and Cooper Kupp are back in action, ready to keep the Rams somewhat relevant, even in a loss.
Christian McCaffrey owners are big mad. Why, you ask? Well, the 49ers decided to keep his status a secret right up until game time on Monday Night Football. No big deal, right? Except, if you didn’t have his backup, Jordan Mason, stashed on your bench, you were stuck watching him go off for 147 yards and a touchdown while your fantasy points went poof. Thanks, Niners.
And then there’s Aaron Rodgers—Mr. “I don’t need preseason snaps.” Spoiler alert: He did. He looked about as mobile as a parked car and as rusty as your old backyard grill. The Niners walked away with a 32-19 win over the Jets, and Rodgers… well, he’s probably wishing for a do-over.
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