Episode 2 Was Better
Hard Knocks actually delivered this week:
- Joe Andreessen, the hometown LB, got his spotlight (and love from Skoob’s Village Grille), then lit up a RB at practice.
- KJ Hamler scooted his Inspector Gadget ride right into the end zone.
- Less Josh Allen fluff, more QB2 battle (Trubisky vs. Mike White). I’m rooting for Shane Buechele. Hook ’Em!
- Bills Mafia tailgating madness, including… breast milk shots. Yep.
- Fans crashing tables and painting their houses in Bills colors because of course.
Bills Mafia, you’re still the only real New York team, and you never let me forget it.
Pay Day
- Commanders did right by Scary Terry McLaurin: 3-year extension, nearly $100M.
- Bengals caved and gave Trey Hendrickson a $14M raise for this season.
And speaking of the Bengals…
The Bengals Are So Cheap
How cheap are they? Boomer Esiason got invited to his Ring of Honor weekend, and the team wouldn’t even spring for his hotel. They offered “discounted rates” at the Renaissance. Unforgettable weekend… just BYO wallet.
Kenny Pickett Can Flick It (Just Not in Cleveland)
The Dude Wipes Browns wanted Kenny, but he got hurt, so they shipped him to Vegas for a 5th-rounder. Translation: Shedeur Sanders, the world’s most famous 5th-rounder, makes the 53-man roster.
Unlike his brother, Shedeur actually punched a Bills TE in front of a ref and got ejected just hours before his release. Rough night
No Respect
Micah Parsons is beefing with Jerry. He showed up to the Falcons game eating nachos, made a “call me” hand gesture at fans, and then laid out on the trainer’s table. Nacho coma?
Jerry says Micah’s agent literally told the Cowboys to “stick it up our ass.” Can’t wait for this soap opera to hit Netflix.
Jerry World
Speaking of which, Jerry does have a Netflix show: America’s Team: The Gambler and His Cowboys. A time machine back to Jerry+ Jimmy building one of the greatest teams ever (before ego ruined the marriage).
It’s fascinating, it’s messy, it’s Jerry.
Use the savings for wings, potato skins, and beer!🍕🍺
All paper draft boards are now 30% off in our Fire Sale section. Loaded with last year’s draft boards (now upgraded with 2025 rookies) and T-shirts for men and women while they last.
We’ll be back next time with more hot takes, cold cuts, and fantasy advice that probably won’t hold up in court. Looking for the ultimate fantasy football draft board? Commish Kit has everything you need—poster kits, stand-up corrugated boards, and a digital draft board so slick, your league might actually think you’re organized this year.
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