This Week in Jerry’s World
Cowboys owner Jerry Jones decided to go full soap opera during training camp interviews, throwing shade at both Dak Prescott and Micah Parsons in one breath.
He claimed Micah missed 6 games last year as a reason not to rush a contract extension.
Reality check: Micah missed 4.
Then he took a shot at Dak, pointing out he gave him a record-breaking deal… only for Dak to play just 8 games last season.
Classic Jerry: facts optional, drama mandatory.
Update: Micah Parsons has asked to be traded from the Dallas Cowboys.
Straight from The Why Files
If you’re into conspiracy theories, buckle up. This one starts with Dude Wipes.
Did we land on the moon? Is the Earth flat? Is the royal family secretly a bunch of lizard people?
Well, if you love a good conspiracy, here’s one brewing right here in Austin:
Browns owner Jimmy Haslam is obsessed with Texas QB Arch Manning.
Yeah! Hook ’Em.
Jimmy’s got a history of swinging big and weird on quarterbacks:
· Johnny Manziel, aka Johnny Football
· Baker Mayfield
· $230 million guaranteed to Deshaun Watson
· And now, the most overrated 5th-round pick this year: Shedeur Sanders
Now the Browns are trash-piled and sitting on two first-round picks in 2026. You know what that means…
The Browns are going full tank mode to land Arch at pick #1.
Fun fact: Jimmy’s tight with the Manning family and dropped a truckload of money on Tennessee back when Peyton was there. Coincidence? You decide.
Oh, and the Browns just unveiled a new doo-doo brown helmet sponsored by Dude Wipes.
You. Can’t. Make. This. Up.
Congrats to Eric Allen, Jarod Allen, Sterling Sharpe, and Antonio Gates for being inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame.
Use the savings for pizza and beer 🍕🍺
Score 10–20% off in our Fire Sale section. Loaded with last year’s draft boards (now upgraded with 2025 rookies) and T-shirts for men and women while they last.
We’ll be back next time with more hot takes, cold cuts, and fantasy advice that probably won’t hold up in court. Looking for the ultimate fantasy football draft board? Commish Kit has everything you need—poster kits, stand-up corrugated boards, and a digital draft board so slick, your league might actually think you’re organized this year.
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